This topic has been on my mind and have always wanted to write on this and I’m glad I could do so now.
But before that I would like to tell my readers that I’m straight before anyone passes comments on my gender cos that’s what everyone does, JUDGING! And yes, I’m not different either . I too judge and that’s a bad quality which needs to be changed from our part and the society on the whole.
I’m sure everyone has encountered a transgender in their lives . Indians can relate when they are seen at the traffic signals or after a birth of a child in the family where in they are called to bless the child as they are considered to bring in “good luck”. Superstition it is. In India they are better known as chakka, hijra, eunuchs . There’s so much outrage and a kind of hatred towards them . My basic question is, ” Aren’t they humans first??” Yes, they have a gender identity crisis but is it fair on our part to ridicule them and pass lewd comments on them?
Why can’t we accept the fact that some people are different , their choices are different from the rest and they too deserve to live a life of dignity like everyone else does!
In the West , life is easier for them as they are accepted as a part of the society , gay/ lesbian marriages are legal and they are not mocked. In India , all this is a big taboo and they are struggling for their rights since a very long time. True, it’s very difficult for parents and friends to accept in the beginning that their child is ” different” due to the stigma attached to their sexgender but if they themselves don’t accept and protect their child through this crisis then who will?
I read an article about a lady ( Indian) whose only child had developed different sexual orientations towards the female gender as he was growing up . The child was himself undergoing a tremendous turmoil and she says as a mother how painful it was to watch him go through that. They too , as parents , were shocked , as any other parent would be , considering many factors like how they would be accepted by their relatives, friends, ” the society ” which comprises of all these known and unknown faces and people. Their own people ostracized them , ridiculed them and she says that they had expected such reaction and were mentally prepared for such outcome and they thought the only way was to disown their own so- called- blood relatives who didn’t understand their plight and support them at their worst times. And I think it was fair on their part to do so! And to stay tough, alone , brave and develop the attitude of come what may calls for a huge applause and only a very strong person can achieve that feat! And he was very lucky and fortunate to have been blessed with such parents.
But as he grew , his orientation towards the female sex gender was strong, evident and reaching confirmations that he was comfortable being in the skin of a girl. He started to dress, walk, talk like any other female and then the day came when he expressed his desire to undergo a sex change surgery to be what he always wanted to be– A GIRL.
By now, his parents were mentally prepared and accepted him cos their only wish was to see him happy in whatever form he desired! While I read that article, I had goose bumps and started to think what they must have undergone when they knew their child didn’t shape up as they wanted . But still , to accept the reality that their son wanted to be a girl/ woman and would be called their ” daughter” henceforth is just beyond comprehension and they , as parents and that too Indians parents , orthodox in nature , deserve all the respect, hugs and claps for their love for their only son. They say every step was challenging and they faced many hurdles and name-calling but the three of them passed through that storm with difficulties , emerging stronger.
Sex surgery done and he was transformed to the woman he always felt comfortable to be in. The parents say they were surprised to see the outwardly changes as in developed breasts , vocal change, and other internal changes as in vagina instead of the penis as the doctor had explained everything in detail as to what they would expect after the sex change surgery.
All said and done, she healed or rather they all healed and she started living the life of a normal woman now and parents too were happy seeing their child living the life she always wanted to. The battle doesn’t end there. They want her to settle down in life, have kids , they wanting to being grandparents which looks like a distant dream but they believe if they have come this far and made it , their daughter’s life ahead too will be full of happiness and they are always there to support and stand by her as pillars of strength.
What else then does she need in life when her parents have done so much that no one can ever imagine doing anything like this for anyone! And it’s not a wonder when its said that no one can ever take the place of your parents . They are selfless when it comes to their children. They will fight tooth and nail with the world to see you happy and doing good in life.
We need to learn a lot from such experiences . If tomorrow your child turns to you saying he/ she is gay / lesbian/ bisexual , how would you react? Not saying this would happen to you but it could happen to anyone out there. It’s time we broaden our thoughts and accept people as they are cos they are humans first more than anything else!
When I was writing this post, I was confused where and when to mention him as her and vice versa . So imagine the rollercoaster ride of emotions that the parents and the person concerned went through in their real lives! No words to explain that emotion.